I am determined to have peace in my life again.

Entry #21

Ugh! THE HOLIDAYS are here.  Never in my life have I hated that term to much.  During the last few years, THE HOLIDAYS were anything but joyous in our house.  It was always a struggle for Ken during this time and we all seemed to be trying to be extra UP to make up for his lack of enthusiasm.  I understand that not everyone feels happy during THE HOLIDAYS but most people don't appear to go out of their way to make them miserable for everyone else. 


Thanksgiving is in a couple of days and I'm really trying to hard to feel thankful for all the good in my life.  (Our last Thanksgiving together is pictured.)  Often all the bad of this year just overwhelms me.  I keep trying to focus on my grandson and remember that life does go on.  He is such a joyous blessing to my life!


So I'm feeling kind of bittersweet about celebrating THE HOLIDAYS this year.  I'm glad that I won't have anyone here who makes them miserable and at the same time I'm incredibly sad that Ken won't be here to join us.  Ah the contradictory emotions of suicide loss.

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Latest comments

01.10 | 11:30

It will be 13 years ago on 10/4 when my boyfriend chose suicide as a way out too. Thank you for sharing! ~ peace, love & light.

14.04 | 06:43

Awesome blog. I am suicidal, on mess and see my shrink weekly. It helps to be reminded how much pain suicide inflicts on the family. thank you

04.08 | 09:31

My thoughts are with you. I had two nephews commit suicide. Bryant was 32 and Keith was 30. Why why why!!???

14.06 | 19:55

Ken's choice was not in anyway your fault. My step father of 33 years decided to hang himself at the age of 91. Heartbreaking, the grief is different- as stated

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