I am determined to have peace in my life again.

Entry #28

I made it through THE HOLIDAYS...phew.  While there were times that it wasn't easy, I just kept thinking that I didn't end my life so why should I stop living.  I need to stop feeling mired in grief.  I need for it not to be at the forefront of my mind, although I know it will always be there lurking.

 

There are still times when I'll pick up the phone to call Ken or feel the knee-jerk reaction to pick something up at the store for him.  My therapist once told me that was my subconscious trying to make things "normal" again. I've forgotten what normal is...like the meme says...Normal is just a setting on the washing machine.

 

But in spite of all the emotions still churning, I am getting stronger.  It's a daily concentrated effort and I think it always will be, but it is happening.  There is life after suicide that doesn't suck.

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Latest comments

01.10 | 11:30

It will be 13 years ago on 10/4 when my boyfriend chose suicide as a way out too. Thank you for sharing! ~ peace, love & light.

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14.04 | 06:43

Awesome blog. I am suicidal, on mess and see my shrink weekly. It helps to be reminded how much pain suicide inflicts on the family. thank you

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04.08 | 09:31

My thoughts are with you. I had two nephews commit suicide. Bryant was 32 and Keith was 30. Why why why!!???

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14.06 | 19:55

Ken's choice was not in anyway your fault. My step father of 33 years decided to hang himself at the age of 91. Heartbreaking, the grief is different- as stated

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