I am determined to have peace in my life again.

Entry #30

They say when you go in for surgery that whatever you were thinking about when you went under is what you awaken thinking about.  Well as luck would have it, right before they were going to administer the anesthesia, the nurse asked if my husband was going to be picking me up and helping me out at home.  I got pretty teary-eyed when I said that my husband died by suicide 10 months to the day.  Of course she felt awful, but she couldn't have known my circumstance.  So as I was waking up I was thinking about Ken and crying. Damn.

 

The knee surgery was a success I am happy to say!  My orthopedic surgeon was one of the surgeons for the Sacramento Kings, so it had better have been done right!  My mom was pretty thrilled to meet him and she remembered him from the Kings' commercials.  Anyway he was very nice and everything went as expected.  Now facing 6-8 months to get my full capabilities back, but as long as the extreme pain and falling down is over, I can tackle just about anything!  Of course Dr. Reed did caution me that my age and weight will play factors in how quickly I recover.  Argh!

 

 

 

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Latest comments

01.10 | 11:30

It will be 13 years ago on 10/4 when my boyfriend chose suicide as a way out too. Thank you for sharing! ~ peace, love & light.

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14.04 | 06:43

Awesome blog. I am suicidal, on mess and see my shrink weekly. It helps to be reminded how much pain suicide inflicts on the family. thank you

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04.08 | 09:31

My thoughts are with you. I had two nephews commit suicide. Bryant was 32 and Keith was 30. Why why why!!???

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14.06 | 19:55

Ken's choice was not in anyway your fault. My step father of 33 years decided to hang himself at the age of 91. Heartbreaking, the grief is different- as stated

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